if only life were perfect, Dad.

Over this week, I've had a revelation about someone. I suppose it was something I'd known all along, but was just too afraid to admit it - finally - to myself. Isn't it said when you realize that someone is never going to be the person you thought or wanted them to be? It's a pretty heartbreaking moment. Needless to say, though..

 I expected more from him and maybe that was my mistake. i gave him every chance to prove it.. funny how things look darker in the light of day.. u're not who I thought you were.. and if I'm being honest, that's what really hurts :( sorry, but i'm gonna keep on doin it anyway..

 

 

....you say a lot of stuff, and don't you know?  you talk a lot of talk for someone so small, but you never say you're sorry..!!

those promises you whispered on the telephone turns out it was all a bunch of nothing. just static in the background.. I think back on all those time when you fed me all those lies, remember? I'm still not quite sure why I ever believed them.. but now that I know, it all makes sense in the end : Why you'd never say you're sorry.

Inspired By : Alice In Wonderland

 

  

 

The book used to scare me as a kid...I always had this weird, irrational fear that I fall down some giant hole. But I'm sort of excited for watching Alice In Wonderland next week with my besties. these photos by photographer Elena Kalis perfectly capture the whimsical and fantasy dream world Alice discovers? "alice in waterland"

Are you seeing the movie, friends?

dirty mind - lonely heart..

 

It is with a great sadness and a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. Do you remember the days when we used to run through the halls of our high school? Or how about when you told me my body was a wonderland and that you'd never let my head hit the bed without your hand behind it? And when you told my mommy that she should be good to me because I'll be a mother someday? Well, you just made me fall in love with you, didn't you? It was almost as if I couldn't help; your charm and alluring mystique were simply too powerful to resist.

My gosh, it seems like it was just yesterday, doesn't it? But, sadly, those happy days are gone. I've been given a hard lesson in battle studies, and I'm sorry, but I just don't see us having a future together. It was fun while it lasted, but as all good love affairs go, some eventually have to come to an end.

 

 I won't lie and pretend it was me so your ego won't be bruised. The truth is, well, it's not me...it's you. Or, rather, it's some interesting revelations you shared in a recent cover story for Rolling Stone.

“All I want to do now is f–k the girls I’ve already f–ked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them, and they’re going, ‘But you’re John Mayer!’ So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to meet anybody else.”

Wow. Talk about a less-than-tasteful mouthful of a revelation, huh? And here I thought I was the all-too-honest, over-sharer.

We're done. That's fine by me. But what's this I hear? You're friends with Taylor Swift? Is that what you young people call it in Hollywood these days?

 

You've already broken enough hearts here, John. Please don't go and break Taylor's too. She's too sweet of a girl for that. and why dont u be mine? :(

un-xoxo

no one knows where the time goes..

I know it might be boring to read lots of cheesy craps but I sometimes need to pour out my inner thoughts and writing is better than talking to a headshrinker who studied bullshits and tell what problems you’re having. No I don't have any problem (at the moment), I just feel like it's the time to share something personal. If you care enough, keep reading. If you don't, I'm gonna keep on typing anyway.

It all started when I read this :

" When faced with an uncertain future,
the question we truly hate to ask are the ones we fear we already know."

I don't know how to tell myself to stop thinking about the future and everything too much. It's hard to picture what it will be like in the months to come, but I can catch a glimpse of it with a contemplation. After last time's sucky drama I had, everything is runny smoothly now. It took a long time to finally have that perfect happiness which I hope, I deeply hope will last long. But you know how people say things could change drastically when it's beyond physical contact? I've always been far away from everyone I love but I taught myself to be patient though it actually kills. And this time will be hella harder since my heart skips a beat over and over. Too much thrill and awesomeness going on, I could die from imagining not having those anymore.

I'm scared of change. But I promise to work for it cos it's worth fighting for. And wherever that happiness comes from, I will always give all my heart even from a distance.

I love you mom & dad :')

quit smoking symptoms

constipation :

many smokers complain of constipation when they quit smoking.

insomnia :

it keeps u in a nervous panic that stops you being able to sleep.

Darn,i shouldn't have started smoking in the first place or i just shouldn't quit. Eating a whole papaya and drinking gallons of water is still not working for me. Is my intestine even still there? And my eye bags are like amy winehouse's smudged eyeliner when she got beat up by blake fielder.

girls VS women

ambiguismus

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he’s truly hers, he doesn’t need controlling.


Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn’t.


Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.


Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.


Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.


Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.


Girls try to monopolize all their man’s time (i.e., don’t want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil’ bit of space makes the ‘together time’ even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends.


Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.


Girls want to be spoiled and ‘tell’ their man so.
Grown women ‘show’ him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his ‘manhood’.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that was just one man.


Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all ‘signs’.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don’t always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.


Girls will read this, copy it, and need to get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women ;)

xoxo,

grown up woman.

Two Thousand & Ten, everybodeeeh!!

My New Year's resolution is: To quit making resolution.

hehehehe..

saya di candid pas beberapa jam sebelum tahun baru.

thanks dear :)

wow setahun ini berjalan cepat sekali ya. sampai saya merasa amnesia hal-hal apa saja yang sudah terjadi selama 2009. yaaa ngga lupa-lupa banget sih hehe tapi ya adalah bagian-bagian yang emang teramat sangat ngga penting untuk diingat. heehe..

akhir tahun ini sungguh tak diduga tak disangka. banyak sekali berkah yang diberikan sama Tuhan untuk saya. dari mulai skripsi yang terkatung itu. molor satu bulan. untung dosen pembimbing saya baik! (Mr. Mari Sudhartha dan Mbak Lies makasih banyak!! saya ngga akan pernah lupa loh! tapi maaf belum sempat ke kampus ngasih soft copy. Mas Aldo juga makasih banyak untuk tidak mempersulit jalan materi skripsi saya. makasih banyak semuanya!!) Alhamdulilah ahirnya kelar juga tepat di hari terahirrrrrrr bgt, super duper ahir, ibaratnya kalo masih belum dikumpulin mungkin besoknya itu adalah 2012 yang mana kata ramalan suku maya kiamat, terjadi 2 tahun lebih awal buat saya. hehe gilak!! 3taun studi di tarki bukan sesuatu yang menyenangkan loh.. jadi kerja keras saya selama 2bulan "ngegeber" materi itu terbayar sudah puasnya! tapi dibalik semua penderitaan ngampus disitu (high heels, kemeja dan rok super ketat hehe ngga denk saya bercanda itu berlebihan!, dosen yang ehm killer ehm! belum lagi sengatan matahari ganda campurannya!) itu juga kan dapet cerita lain yang ngga akan bisa dilupain. dan hanya terjadi sekali seumur hidup! hehe.. haduh ga kebayang gimana akan kangen sama jajan lidi dan martabak tahu kantin, soto pak yoas, ayam cah jamur yono, ibu sotoku tercinta yang udah hafal takeran sambal garam dan jeruk di soto ayam saya tiap makan siang!, bapak dengan 'dunhill gaboleh diketeng-marlboro boleh' hahaha belum lagi es teh manis yang menggiurkan di 3x bulan puasa yang saya lewatin disana! bedeng oh bedeng!! haaaaaaaa.. hampir menangis saya dibuatnya.. mengingat masa-masa kejayaan itu haha..

bergeser ke bulan selanjutnya, liburan itu. liburan dalam rangka pengen jadi pengangguran dulu itupun menghasilkan sesuatu yang ga pernah saya bayangkan sebelumnya. ketemu orang yang entah dari mana asalnya. mungkin mars? atau antah berantah? namun setelah diidentifikasi ternyata letaknya hanya berjarak beberapa kilo dari rumah nenenk, hanya melewati 2 pasar, beberapa kali ganti angkot (nah ini saya ngga tau pasti, belom di tes! hehe) yah ngga jauh lah. masih lebih jauh rawamangun-cempaka putih hehe...

i knew it! i knew that day i had a blind date with destiny!! ;) menyenangkan sekali ternyata yah ngerasain deg-degannya lagi jatuh cinta (anjir bahasa gw mana tahan!!) tapi dengan chemistry yang.. wuedannnn!! luar biasa lah!! mega!! heheheh.. hmmm.. 

di November dapet panggilan. di kantor yang emang udah di impi-impikan sedari dulu.. sadis.. hehehe.. alhamdulilah. ini antara kesempatan dan keberuntungan ketemu nih! so here i am now! tapi yang jelas dengan usaha dan doa juga! ga gampang loh ngalahin 1 kelas kali 7 step untuk dapet 1 korsi disini.. hehe bangga banget lah bisa dapet apa yang saya mau dari hasil usaha sendiri.. beuhhhh puasnya kaya orang ngupil trus dapet! nah iya gitu!

Sekarang semuanya mulai jalan. dan di 2010 ini belajar bisa adaptasi dan jalanin semuanya bersamaan dengan kondisi yang harus jauh lebih baik dan mature dari sebelumnya.

semua missi saya tentang masa depan di 2009 alhamdulilah udah dibuka jalannya. sekarng tinggal sayanya mau bener-benr dan bisa serius atau ngga. tapi percaya deh, saya bukan tipe orang yang suka menyia-nyiakan kesempatan ko! heheeh.. mudah-mudahan semua yang di 2009 udah ada, bisa lebih baik lagi di 2010.

ga muluk ko, asal mamih saya sehat dan bahagia, pacar saya yang jauh disana tetep sayang sama saya dan punya waktu untuk paling ngga sms saya dan saling bertukar cerita, sahabat-sahabat saya yang hebat itu akan tetap begini.. saya seneng banget. ngga bisa dibayar pake uang. makasih kalian semua udah hadir di hidup saya :')

First Monday of 2010. 

It's so fresh! So full of great energy! 

*Blah. Who am I kidding? In any year, Monday still sucks*