22 Desember 2010

Dear Mamih,

i'm so happy we're still here together to celebrate ur birthday. and this morning i feel so blessed that i can still feel ur warm hug and kisses. mungkin aku belum bisa bahagian mamih seperti yg mamih mau. tapi aku bisa janjikan mamih 1 hal, aku ga akan pernah buat mamih susah. ga akan. there are things we dont want to happen but we have to face it, and things we dont want to know but we have to learn. dan aku pasti terus usaha untuk bisa buat mamih bangga dan bahagia. thank you for the great lessons, i love u. always. happy mother's day mam :')

expect the unexpected

"We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected is just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives."

life is full of surprises. yes i always love that quotes!

french and fries and kisses

I want a guy who will be my best friend. We will share secrets and inside jokes. He’ll make me laugh till i cry. I want a guy who can be romantic. I want him to run his fingers through my hair and kiss my forehead. I want to be able to cuddle him until the sun rises. I want a guy who will treat me right. He will make me dinner and compliment me on my outfits. He will take me out on dates and bring me on walks in the park. He will call me beautiful. I want a guy who I can have fun with. I want to be able to go on endless drives singing at the top of our lungs together. I want to dance in the living room at midnight to a loud, crazy song. I want to slow dance at sunrise to silence.

I want a guy who will comfort me when I need to be comforted. I want to be able to cry on his shoulder as he hugs me and tells me everything will be all right. I want him to bring me my favorite ice cream when I’m moodswing. I want to feel safe in his arms.

I want a guy who will love me more than anybody or anything in the world because I will sure as hell love him more than anybody or anything in the world.

♥
and i found him, ACHMAD IRFAN FADLY. thanks ;)

WHY YOU'RE THE GREATEST MOM !!

1.) you scared away the monsters under the bed

2.) you never too tired to tell me stories

3.) you still make sure that i eat my vegetables and get to bed at decent hour.

4.) you taught me to never settle on second best

5.) you taught me all the important stuff

6.) you praise all of my achievements, no matter how small

7.) you gave me enough freedom

8.) you know all my faults- and love me just the same

9.) you give me the courage of a lion when i'm feeling like a mouse

10.) you love me for who i am and who i'm becoming

11.) you make it look easy

12.) you made me proud- to be your child..

love you mommy.. :')

finalé

"I could promise, to hold you, and to cherish you.

I could promise, to be there in sickness and in health.
I could say, til death do us part.
But I won't.
Those vows are for optimistic couples, the ones full of hope.
And I do not stand here, on my wedding day, optimistic, or full of hope.

I am not optimistic, I am not hopeful.
I am sure.
I am steady.
And I know...

I'm a heart-man.
Take them apart, put them back together.
I hold them in my hands.
I am a heart man.
So this i am sure.
You are my partner, my lover, my very best friend.
My heart, my heart, beats for you.
and on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this:
I promise you, to lay my heart in the palm of your hands
I promise you, me."

-preston burke wedding vow. grey's anatomy season 3-

"MINI (meaningful) DIALOGUE"

Pencil  : I'm so sorry..

Eraser : For what? you didnt do anything wrong.

Pencil : I'm sorry cause you get hurt because of me. whenever i make a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. you get smaller and smaller everytime.. :'(

Eraser : That's true. but i dont really mind. You see, i was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. eventhough one of these days, I know I'll be gone and you have to replace me with the new one, I'm acctualy happy with my job.. So please stop worrying, i hate to see you sad.. :')

letters to my future husband : you make it easy..

• If you're an optimist, then I'm your challenge to conquer. 
• If you're a pessimist, then I am your worst expectation, but of course you've been expecting me, no?
• If you're religious, then I'm the God's tool to improve you.
• If you're an atheist, then I'm the proof that God does exist and He wants to punish you. LOL  
• If you're a Buddhist, then I am your Karma
• If you're a logic, the I'm the anti-you that keep universe in its place just like matter and anti-matter collided and made Universe. :))

there's no such thing as perfect relationship, just one good compromise...LOTS of compromises, that is.

-XOXO-

jealousy, look at me now..

Dear Jealousy :

The truth: You're pure evil. You've tried to ruin my life one too many times, so today, I'm saying NO MORE. It's time we broke up - or rather, it's time I dumped you and kicked your sorry behind to the curb.

You're a good trickster, I'll give you that. At first, you played it cool, but the second you get close, he pulls away or you pull away or, as is usually my case, you say something completely out of left field and you causeYOU) keep me wanting more because of course you know I want what I can't have. And you make me think you'll eventually help me get it. So you latch on to me.. the guy to run....fast. Either way, he (read:

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And this relationship is fine - even good - for awhile. You're one of those emotions that comes easily to me, so why try to change, why try to dig deeper when I can put myself on autopilot with you and just cruise down the highway at full speed?

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I've carried you with me my entire life - through summer filled with those blonde and perky girls who always got the guy just by batting a pretty lash..

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Now, I'm sorry, but this relationship just isn't working for me anymore. I've realized you're a user, and that's all you'll ever be. Taking and taking and just giving me back a version of myself with lower self-esteem and a bad case of the "I Wishes."

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But really, maybe it's those blondes I should actually feel sorry for instead of you, you deep-seated, seething jealousy. It has to be hard to hear people say "Oh, you're so beautiful" all the time. But these blondes take it like grown-ups, griting and smiling. Though it just must eat away at their soul. What a dreadful curse to be that sort of pretty. Maybe sometimes they just want to throw up their perfectly blemish-free skin and say, "I can't take it anymore. If being beautiful comes with this price tag, I want a refund." Gosh. What must it be like to constantly hear those heart-wrenching words; I suppose it must feel like a dagger going straight into your heart to know that someone thinks that highly of you.

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Oh, wait, Jealousy, you did give me one useful thing: a good sense of sarcasm. Pretty people have it so easy, don't they? But do they also have the sense of sarcasm that I do, dear Jealousy?

Who's jealous now?

UN-xoxo

sometimes i just don't realize how much I hurt you too..

"Woman was created from the ribs of a man, not from his head to be above him, not from his feet to be walk upon him, but from his side to be equal, near to his arm to be protected, and close to his heart to be loved."

 

*I miss you, but I really can't do anything more than that.

aku.

aku senang menulis. menciptakan dunia baru. menjadi tuhan didalam dimensi khayalku..

"kalo aku lagi susah, aku selalu inget suatu hari nanti..."

..selama ini aku selalu setia disamping kamu.. apapun yg orang bilang.. buat aku kmu tetep yg terbaik.. susah.. seneng.. semuanya aku jalanin.. aku terima apa adanya.. tapi liat.. liat apa yang kamu lakuin ke aku? :'( 

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You know those purity rings that say True Love Waits? I don't have one, even though I wholeheartedly believe in its message. But you know what I'd really like to see? A T-shirt that says Love Takes Time...

I'd love to be with someone. But guess what? I'm not about to change what I love about myself, morals and all, for some person who I just met. I'm not going to abandon my old life for some random new person, either. True, I might have a lot of solitary days ahead of me, but when I do meet the person that wants me for me and nothing more, I won't have to wonder. I'll know because, as you know, true love does wait. And anyone who doesn't want you to wait or doesn't respect you? Then, damnit, you know that's not true love. I don't know about you, but I'm not about to settle for anything less than the real thing. I have too much respect for myself to do things any other way. I hope you do too, friends.

 If the other person is worth it, I mean really, really worth it, they'll respect your needs and desires to go at a pace you feel comfortable with.

That's beautiful, if you ask me. Where you really get to know the soul of the other person.Why allow things to move so fast, so quickly? If it's meant to last, it will. Why not slow down and smell the roses along the way? Nothing in this world is more important than taking care of yourself, and putting yourself first. xoxo

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"Jani, kamu bahagia hidup sama aku?"
"kenapa kamu nanya kayak gitu?"
"gpp.. kamu bahagia?"
"Aku bahagia.."
"Kamu harus bahagia, Jani, suatu hari nanti aku pasti bisa bikin kamu bahagia."
"Aku percaya.."

the most touchy song ever! : end of the road

Girl you know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing
With my heart like this
You'll be mine forever baby, you just see
We belong together
And you that I'm right
Why do you play with my heart?
Why do you play with my mind?
Said we'd be forever, said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say good-bye?
When I can't sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead
Spinning around and around
Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Girl, I know you really love me
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time
Maybe I'll forgive you
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together
Forever, you and I
Can you love me again like you loved me before?
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me, don't let me down
Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Girl I'm here for you
All those times of night when you just hurt me
And just run out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn't care
You just don't understand how much I love you do you?
I'm here for you
I'm not out to go out and cheat on you all night
Just like you did baby but that's all right
Hey, I love you anyway
And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day baby
Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby
'Coz you just won't come back to me
Will you? Just come back to me
Lonely
Lonely
Lonely
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me go..

if only life were perfect, Dad.

Over this week, I've had a revelation about someone. I suppose it was something I'd known all along, but was just too afraid to admit it - finally - to myself. Isn't it said when you realize that someone is never going to be the person you thought or wanted them to be? It's a pretty heartbreaking moment. Needless to say, though..

 I expected more from him and maybe that was my mistake. i gave him every chance to prove it.. funny how things look darker in the light of day.. u're not who I thought you were.. and if I'm being honest, that's what really hurts :( sorry, but i'm gonna keep on doin it anyway..

 

 

....you say a lot of stuff, and don't you know?  you talk a lot of talk for someone so small, but you never say you're sorry..!!

those promises you whispered on the telephone turns out it was all a bunch of nothing. just static in the background.. I think back on all those time when you fed me all those lies, remember? I'm still not quite sure why I ever believed them.. but now that I know, it all makes sense in the end : Why you'd never say you're sorry.

Inspired By : Alice In Wonderland

 

  

 

The book used to scare me as a kid...I always had this weird, irrational fear that I fall down some giant hole. But I'm sort of excited for watching Alice In Wonderland next week with my besties. these photos by photographer Elena Kalis perfectly capture the whimsical and fantasy dream world Alice discovers? "alice in waterland"

Are you seeing the movie, friends?

dirty mind - lonely heart..

 

It is with a great sadness and a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. Do you remember the days when we used to run through the halls of our high school? Or how about when you told me my body was a wonderland and that you'd never let my head hit the bed without your hand behind it? And when you told my mommy that she should be good to me because I'll be a mother someday? Well, you just made me fall in love with you, didn't you? It was almost as if I couldn't help; your charm and alluring mystique were simply too powerful to resist.

My gosh, it seems like it was just yesterday, doesn't it? But, sadly, those happy days are gone. I've been given a hard lesson in battle studies, and I'm sorry, but I just don't see us having a future together. It was fun while it lasted, but as all good love affairs go, some eventually have to come to an end.

 

 I won't lie and pretend it was me so your ego won't be bruised. The truth is, well, it's not me...it's you. Or, rather, it's some interesting revelations you shared in a recent cover story for Rolling Stone.

“All I want to do now is f–k the girls I’ve already f–ked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them, and they’re going, ‘But you’re John Mayer!’ So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to meet anybody else.”

Wow. Talk about a less-than-tasteful mouthful of a revelation, huh? And here I thought I was the all-too-honest, over-sharer.

We're done. That's fine by me. But what's this I hear? You're friends with Taylor Swift? Is that what you young people call it in Hollywood these days?

 

You've already broken enough hearts here, John. Please don't go and break Taylor's too. She's too sweet of a girl for that. and why dont u be mine? :(

un-xoxo

no one knows where the time goes..

I know it might be boring to read lots of cheesy craps but I sometimes need to pour out my inner thoughts and writing is better than talking to a headshrinker who studied bullshits and tell what problems you’re having. No I don't have any problem (at the moment), I just feel like it's the time to share something personal. If you care enough, keep reading. If you don't, I'm gonna keep on typing anyway.

It all started when I read this :

" When faced with an uncertain future,
the question we truly hate to ask are the ones we fear we already know."

I don't know how to tell myself to stop thinking about the future and everything too much. It's hard to picture what it will be like in the months to come, but I can catch a glimpse of it with a contemplation. After last time's sucky drama I had, everything is runny smoothly now. It took a long time to finally have that perfect happiness which I hope, I deeply hope will last long. But you know how people say things could change drastically when it's beyond physical contact? I've always been far away from everyone I love but I taught myself to be patient though it actually kills. And this time will be hella harder since my heart skips a beat over and over. Too much thrill and awesomeness going on, I could die from imagining not having those anymore.

I'm scared of change. But I promise to work for it cos it's worth fighting for. And wherever that happiness comes from, I will always give all my heart even from a distance.

I love you mom & dad :')

quit smoking symptoms

constipation :

many smokers complain of constipation when they quit smoking.

insomnia :

it keeps u in a nervous panic that stops you being able to sleep.

Darn,i shouldn't have started smoking in the first place or i just shouldn't quit. Eating a whole papaya and drinking gallons of water is still not working for me. Is my intestine even still there? And my eye bags are like amy winehouse's smudged eyeliner when she got beat up by blake fielder.

girls VS women

ambiguismus

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he’s truly hers, he doesn’t need controlling.


Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn’t.


Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.


Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.


Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.


Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.


Girls try to monopolize all their man’s time (i.e., don’t want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil’ bit of space makes the ‘together time’ even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends.


Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.


Girls want to be spoiled and ‘tell’ their man so.
Grown women ‘show’ him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his ‘manhood’.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that was just one man.


Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all ‘signs’.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don’t always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.


Girls will read this, copy it, and need to get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women ;)

xoxo,

grown up woman.

Two Thousand & Ten, everybodeeeh!!

My New Year's resolution is: To quit making resolution.

hehehehe..

saya di candid pas beberapa jam sebelum tahun baru.

thanks dear :)

wow setahun ini berjalan cepat sekali ya. sampai saya merasa amnesia hal-hal apa saja yang sudah terjadi selama 2009. yaaa ngga lupa-lupa banget sih hehe tapi ya adalah bagian-bagian yang emang teramat sangat ngga penting untuk diingat. heehe..

akhir tahun ini sungguh tak diduga tak disangka. banyak sekali berkah yang diberikan sama Tuhan untuk saya. dari mulai skripsi yang terkatung itu. molor satu bulan. untung dosen pembimbing saya baik! (Mr. Mari Sudhartha dan Mbak Lies makasih banyak!! saya ngga akan pernah lupa loh! tapi maaf belum sempat ke kampus ngasih soft copy. Mas Aldo juga makasih banyak untuk tidak mempersulit jalan materi skripsi saya. makasih banyak semuanya!!) Alhamdulilah ahirnya kelar juga tepat di hari terahirrrrrrr bgt, super duper ahir, ibaratnya kalo masih belum dikumpulin mungkin besoknya itu adalah 2012 yang mana kata ramalan suku maya kiamat, terjadi 2 tahun lebih awal buat saya. hehe gilak!! 3taun studi di tarki bukan sesuatu yang menyenangkan loh.. jadi kerja keras saya selama 2bulan "ngegeber" materi itu terbayar sudah puasnya! tapi dibalik semua penderitaan ngampus disitu (high heels, kemeja dan rok super ketat hehe ngga denk saya bercanda itu berlebihan!, dosen yang ehm killer ehm! belum lagi sengatan matahari ganda campurannya!) itu juga kan dapet cerita lain yang ngga akan bisa dilupain. dan hanya terjadi sekali seumur hidup! hehe.. haduh ga kebayang gimana akan kangen sama jajan lidi dan martabak tahu kantin, soto pak yoas, ayam cah jamur yono, ibu sotoku tercinta yang udah hafal takeran sambal garam dan jeruk di soto ayam saya tiap makan siang!, bapak dengan 'dunhill gaboleh diketeng-marlboro boleh' hahaha belum lagi es teh manis yang menggiurkan di 3x bulan puasa yang saya lewatin disana! bedeng oh bedeng!! haaaaaaaa.. hampir menangis saya dibuatnya.. mengingat masa-masa kejayaan itu haha..

bergeser ke bulan selanjutnya, liburan itu. liburan dalam rangka pengen jadi pengangguran dulu itupun menghasilkan sesuatu yang ga pernah saya bayangkan sebelumnya. ketemu orang yang entah dari mana asalnya. mungkin mars? atau antah berantah? namun setelah diidentifikasi ternyata letaknya hanya berjarak beberapa kilo dari rumah nenenk, hanya melewati 2 pasar, beberapa kali ganti angkot (nah ini saya ngga tau pasti, belom di tes! hehe) yah ngga jauh lah. masih lebih jauh rawamangun-cempaka putih hehe...

i knew it! i knew that day i had a blind date with destiny!! ;) menyenangkan sekali ternyata yah ngerasain deg-degannya lagi jatuh cinta (anjir bahasa gw mana tahan!!) tapi dengan chemistry yang.. wuedannnn!! luar biasa lah!! mega!! heheheh.. hmmm.. 

di November dapet panggilan. di kantor yang emang udah di impi-impikan sedari dulu.. sadis.. hehehe.. alhamdulilah. ini antara kesempatan dan keberuntungan ketemu nih! so here i am now! tapi yang jelas dengan usaha dan doa juga! ga gampang loh ngalahin 1 kelas kali 7 step untuk dapet 1 korsi disini.. hehe bangga banget lah bisa dapet apa yang saya mau dari hasil usaha sendiri.. beuhhhh puasnya kaya orang ngupil trus dapet! nah iya gitu!

Sekarang semuanya mulai jalan. dan di 2010 ini belajar bisa adaptasi dan jalanin semuanya bersamaan dengan kondisi yang harus jauh lebih baik dan mature dari sebelumnya.

semua missi saya tentang masa depan di 2009 alhamdulilah udah dibuka jalannya. sekarng tinggal sayanya mau bener-benr dan bisa serius atau ngga. tapi percaya deh, saya bukan tipe orang yang suka menyia-nyiakan kesempatan ko! heheeh.. mudah-mudahan semua yang di 2009 udah ada, bisa lebih baik lagi di 2010.

ga muluk ko, asal mamih saya sehat dan bahagia, pacar saya yang jauh disana tetep sayang sama saya dan punya waktu untuk paling ngga sms saya dan saling bertukar cerita, sahabat-sahabat saya yang hebat itu akan tetap begini.. saya seneng banget. ngga bisa dibayar pake uang. makasih kalian semua udah hadir di hidup saya :')

First Monday of 2010. 

It's so fresh! So full of great energy! 

*Blah. Who am I kidding? In any year, Monday still sucks*